English Recordings

My name is Josephine. I live in Cardiff in Wales with my family. We love small animals. We have five pets. We have a garden because we love animals and we like playing outdoors with the pets.

My name is Kareem. I live in Birmingham, a city in England. I like going for long walks in the park. I don’t like small pets.

My name is Jenny. I live in Newcastle, a city in the north of England. I have a house with a small garden. There are trees in my garden. I love being in my garden.
I don’t like going for long walks, but I like sleeping in the afternoon.

The Red Dragon is the national animal of Wales and you can see it everywhere. It’s on the national flag, and there are also lots of statues and monuments of dragons in Wales. Rugby and football fans paint red dragons on their faces at international matches. I love it! People have dragon badges, clothes, posters, we really do have a dragon spirit! It’s brilliant!
According to legend the red dragon fights with a white dragon. The white dragon symbolises England. The Welsh red dragon wins. This is why the red dragon is a sign of
Welsh pride and strength.

Hello and welcome to “Which character is it?”
I will read five clues. You have to say which British character it is: Paddington, Peter Rabbit or Fantastic Mr Fox!
Be careful... the answer might be more than one character or none at all!
Ready? Then let’s go!
Number one. He has a long orange tail. Which character is it? Write down your answer.
Number two. They have a blue jacket.
Number three. They don’t have feathers.
Number four. He is short and he has small ears. He has a red hat.
Number five. He has long ears and he likes carrots.
That’s the end of the quiz. Let’s see which answers are correct...

Tourist: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to the shopping centre, please? I’m not from here.
Local: Of course! Go straight ahead for two blocks, then turn left at the traffic lights. The shopping centre is just opposite the park, next to the post office.
Tourist: Great, thank you! Is it far from here?
Local: Not really, it’ll take you about five minutes on foot.
Tourist: Perfect. Oh, by the way, is there a bakery nearby? I’d like to buy something to eat.
Local: Yes, there’s one just around the corner. They sell delicious croissants and sandwiches.
Tourist: Wonderful! Thanks a lot for your help.
Local: You’re welcome. Have a nice day!

(Later, at the bakery…)

Tourist: Hello! Could I have a cheese sandwich and a bottle of water, please?
Shop assistant: Sure. Would you like anything else?
Tourist: No, that’s all, thank you. How much is it?
Shop assistant: That’s €4.50.
Tourist: Can I pay by card?
Shop assistant: Of course. Here’s your receipt. Have a nice day!
Tourist: Thank you, you too!

My Mom loves to give advice. Not on the big stuff-she never uttered a peep about whom I should marry, what I might do for a living or which house to buy. My mother is more the here's what-you-need-to-do-with-your-hair type of advicer. Mom also has a knack for health advisories. Don't go outside with wet hair unless you want pneumonia. Don't sit on the cold pavement or you'll get hemorrhoids. Stay off the phone during thunderstorms or a streak of lightning will speed through miles of cable and zap you dead in the center hallway. Momisms have little basis in fact and absolutely no historical precedent (well, maybe the phone thing does). They're grounded in the theory that a mother is entitled to give advice because she is The Mom. Those are all the credentials she needs. My life has been steeped in momisms. Early in childhood, it became excruciatingly clear to us four kids that our mother knew a lot of really unfortunate guys. These hapless fellows fueled a great many momisms related to totally-their-own-fault tragedies- which she described in a voice most people use to tell ghost stories around a campfire. If we were tipping back on the hind legs of a chair, Mom told us about the man she knew who did the same thing, fell, broke his neck and was paralysed FOR THE REST OF HIS VERY SHORT LIFE. If we tossed a kernel of popcorn in the air and caught it in our mouths, Mom told us about the guy she knew who did the very same thing and CHOKED TO DEATH. In adolescence came the dating momisms, designed to keep us forever sorting socks on Saturday nights. First, the Ladies Don't momisms: Ladies don't chew gum.Ladies don't whistle.Ladies don't forget to KYLC ( Keep Your Legs Crossed). Then there was the Who You Can't Trust list of momisms. Italian men wil cheat on you. So will French man, Chinese men, English men, Irish men and men representing the 93 other nationalities attending Cleveland Heighst High School. By the time Mom was finished reciting the list , we girls were convinced the only safe date was our baby brother. He didn't escape dating momisms either. Mom told him, «Treat that girl as you would treat your sisters» Apparently Mom forgot this was the same guy who tried to clog our noses with petroleum jelly as we slept and referred to us as Ratface and Dogface. I thought that once I had children of my own, Mom would finally give up. But it hasn't worked out that way. Recently, my mother tugged on my low-cut neckline and said, «Let's not advertise what we don't have for sale.» It finally dawned on me: there is no statute of limitations on momisms . So I smiled and said, «Okay, Mom, thanks for the reminder.» I figure I owe her that . In fact, I'm starting to understand her much better in recent years. Only yesterday, for example, my daughter started to lean back in a chair. «Listen here, young lady,» I said in my best ghost-story voice, «your grandma knew a guy....»

The Monster

I thought I saw a monster
Underneath my bed
His tongue was yellow,
And his eyes were red.

I thought I saw a monster
Underneath my chair
His face was purple,
And he had pink hair.

I thought I saw a monster
In my room last night
His legs were orange,
And his feet were white.

I thought I saw a monster
And that he saw me
But don’t tell my mother
She’ll be scared you see.

“Fucking hell,” she seethed,coming towards them. “I nearly got trampled amongst those sycophants.” She cast a withering look to the crowd.

witch