English Script Request

Hey there, this is Mat Boggs, coauthor of Project Everlasting and creator of Cracking the Man Code. Welcome back to part two of the "Man Scan." Now remember, this is a very powerful strategy to find out where your man is in the relationship and what he wants. OK? Just a reminder, part one was "come from a place of love abundance," recognizing that this guy isn't your source for love, but your goal is to find out whether or not he's on the right path with you, whether or not you're going to co-create your relationship together. So the Man Scan is to find out where he is and what he wants, so that you can make sure you're attracting the right guy into your life.

So here's step number two: how to have this conversation in a way that opens him up, step number two is pre-frame the conversation, and invite him to be honest. Now it's important that you understand how men operate and two very strong desires that men have wired up inside of them.

Number one: men have a subconscious desire to have their thoughts respected.

Number two: men have a deep, driving desire to please you, men want you to trust their thinking, they want you to trust their plans, they want you to trust their ability to provide what it is that you want, and they want those plans and what they're providing to bring you joy. They want to deliver happiness to you. When they do that, it literally juices us up, it triggers something inside of us that gives us this sense of manhood, this sense of life. I am a stud, right? And every man loves that feeling.

So, how does this play out in communication? Remember if your goal is to get him to be honest with you men will be honest in the relationship until their women encourage them to lie. Now, you might be thinking, y'know, I've never encouraged my man to lie. Well maybe, maybe not. Let's actually peel the layers back. Let's take a closer look at this cos most women at one point or another have encouraged their man to lie.

So here's how this plays out. You ask him, you want your man's opinion. And most women want their man's opinion only when it's in line with what they want to hear, they're fishing for a certain outcome. And if what he says is in conflict, or not in alignment with what she wants, how does that woman respond? Typically she'll get defensive. She might get mad. She might start crying. Crying, just so you know, is like kryptonite, it's like the plague. Man, a man would rather have his arm chewed off by an alligator than to get his honest opinion on how he honestly feels generates tears and the reaction of crying in his woman. It is horrible. So those kind of responses are, are the exact opposite of what your man deeply wants, which is to deliver happiness to you. So when a woman gets defensive, when she starts crying, she might start criticising him, y'know. How can you feel that way after this and this and that and blah blah blah. When she starts doing that she's communicating to him that I don't want your honest answer, I want the answer that I'm looking for.

So there's a great way to encourage a man to be honest with you, because remember that's your end goal. It's to get him to be honest with you. So, reframe the conversation and invite him to be honest.

And here's how it goes. You say "hey honey, I have something that I really need to talk to you about. It's kind of important. Is now a good time?" Those questions, those words rather, those words "is now a good time?", those five words are extremely powerful for a man. Because they communicate you're respecting how he's choosing to use his time. Is what he's doing important and would it be ok if you guys had this conversation. And it's drawing him into the conversation. So 'is now a good time' he'll think about it and he'll say sure. It also gives him an opportunity to move into the area of his mind that is open and receptive and in his listening apartment if you understand the programs for how a man's mind is wired up.

The second aspect of this step is to invite him to be honest, and you do that by just telling him that you want him to be honest, and it is OK to be honest. Say "Hey honey, I have something really important I'd like to talk to you about, is now a good time?" He sits down and says "Yeah hey, what's on your mind?" Say "I have something to ask you and I really want your honest answer, even if you think it's something I don't want to hear. What I'm really curious about here is your honest answer on this, OK?" And he'll say "OK, shoot." And that will move you into step three of the "Man Scan". I'll give you a quick example. I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine and he was telling me that he was dating this woman for a few weeks and she had driven down to his home, spent the night, the next day he went out and worked out and when he came back from working out he walked in and found her sitting on the couch and he instantly knew something was up. Right? She was upset about something. So he sat down and was like "Hey babe what's- what's going on? What's up?" And she was like "Well, you know, I have something important to ask you. Is now a good time, or would you like go shower?" And he said, "No, now is a good time, and what's going on?" And she said, "Look, I really just want you to be honest with me, OK? Don't worry about what I want to hear- give me the right answer. I just want to hear your real authentic truth, OK?" And she said, "Have you been with other women since we started dating?" And he said, "Yes, I have." And she was like, "OK, because I was cleaning the bedroom this morning and I found a long black hair in the bed." Now keep in mind, this woman is blonde, you see. So what she said next absolutely influenced the trajectory of that relationship. So in video three I am going to share with you the third step of the "Man Scan" and what this woman said next and then also what happened in this relationship. So I'll see you in video number three.