English Script Request

Jim Carrey: Wow!
Dave Letterman: How are ya?
JC: New York City!
DL: (Laughs)
JC: Wooh!
DL: Good to have you ba..
JC: I don't get to come to the big town very often!
DL: (Laughs) You haven't been here..
JC: I love it down here!
DL: You haven't been here in awhile thank you very much for comin..
JC: I like it. Especially that port authority!
DL: (Laughs) You go over there do ya?
JC: It's a colorful people there, that's right. No, I love this place. It's a great place at Christmastime.
DL: Nice to have you hear. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
JC: Unbeliveable, place.
DL: Listen, uh.. but uh you raise an interesting question when you when you go out shopping, you can't just.. you honestly you can't, you got people that do that, but do you ever, do you ever go out.. I mean, do uh... because people would be on you I would think..you just...
JC: (Singing) I'm the booooy in the plastic bubble...
DL: Yeah, that's right..
JC: Um.. but no disease...ever touches me. No, uh.. you know actually you know I used to be freaked out about that sort of thing. I know Hollywood people, you know, I got a mustache, I got a little spirit gum(?).. and uh..
DL: Now, what does your daughter make of all of this? Is she looking at you like.. what's that all about...
JC: Oh, she's cool with that.
DL: She likes..?
JC: Yeah, Daddy's a freak. "You bein' a freak again, huh dad?" Yeah, and uh.. "No, no honey, close the window. Hurry! Close the shades, dear!" Um, but uh you know so I got this mustache and I applied it and I had thick glasses, I had, you know, I had a baseball cap, and I kind of thought I was getting away with it okay, you know, I got inside..
DL: Did you did you look to your eyes, of you know uh I mean you're different of course but did you look okay when you saw this?
JC:Yeah, yeah..
DL:Yeah,
JC: It's a little freaky,
DL: Yeah.
JC: It's a little freaky like, like one of those, you know, talk show guests that did something real bad, you know.
DL: (Laughs) Oh yeah..
JC: I need one of those recorders (Distorted voice) with my voice and stuff but, but uh, you know so I got inside there and I was doing pretty good, and I was like.. "Hey, I'm pulling this off, maybe this is the way I can live for the rest of my life.."
DL: (Laughs)
JC: And so, I got up to the vendor who's selling all the stuff, right, it's Cirque du Soleil, and I and uh I kind of had my head down and I went uh.. "Uhhh.. let me see, um.. uh. I'll have a large t-shirt and a small one for my daughter, please." And, uh, I waited uh, and he didn't seem to be doing anything so I looked up and he was staring at me like this. (Does face) Like he had just seen Jim Carrey in a fake mustache and I started you know walking my daughter to the seats and people were yelling out "Nice mustache, Jim!" "Hey guys! Look! It's Jim Carrey in a fake mustache!" The acrobats were stopping in the middle of routines.. (in fake French accent) "Jim Carrey! Mustache fake-y!"
DL: Yeah... Make you feel like a boob, doesn't it?
JC: Yeah, yeah.
DL: You don't need that!
JC: But now I go.. you know, but now I jus...
DL: Better that.. yeah..
JC: I go out now, I go everywhere, you know depending on, you know my self esteem level that day, you know..
DL: Yeah. (Laughs)
JC: You don't want to go out on one of those self-loathing days. You know, "I love you" "(Crying) Oh oh oh oh" But you know I just go out and I meet people and it's always cool, you know, most of the time, you know, there's every once in awhile there's there's somebody who asks for a little too much you know, like..
DL: Like, what do you mean, like.. more than an autograph?
JC: Yeah, well, they'll they'll say something like, you know, uh, you know uh.. "Hey! Wait here! I'm gonna go have some kids, then bring 'em back to meet ya!" No, uh.. or uh.. (laughs) "You're not doin' nothin' right?" But um, Or else you know something like "Oh! Mr. Carrey! If.. my friends would kill me if I ever told them that I met you and I didn't get your underwear..."..."Come on! Get those pants off! Or how about some skin? A little skin? How about a nose hair? Come on! You got hundreds of them!." You know? "Jerk!"
DL: Well, we'll continue chatting with Jim Carrey about all sorts of stuff! Come on back, folks!
...
DL: Alanis Morissette. Danny De Vito was here last night..
JC: Yeah, I know! Quit braggin'!
DL: In his film, and.. (laughs)
..
JC: Yeah, and it was very strange because Milos Forman after the first couple of weeks called me on the weekend and said "Jim! I don't know how to talk to these people! I have never been intimidated by another man! And I am intimidated by Tony Clifton!" And I said, "Well, should we fire him? Uh, you know, should should I just come in and do an impression or something?" And you were in the movie, and I appreciate that.. that was that was a great thing for you to do. Yeah. It was great. And that's the weird thing too, you know, that's the weird thing too, is that people thought that I committed..to my character, but YOU were Dave from the moment you got here, 'til the moment you left, I mean, when they said cut, he didn't just stop bein' Dave. You know what I mean? It was uncanny.
DL: That's right.
JC: It must have been exhausting.
DL: I was Dave in the car all the way... Oh it is! It's tiring being Dave! It's weary-ing! Uh.. let's let's take a look at a, uh.. clip.. This thing opens December twenty second, i think it was..
JC: second, yeah, twenty-second.
DL: And uh, uh, I hope this is a huge film. I mean I guess it's gonna be, isn't it?
JC: Oh, whatever!
DL: I mean I think it would be nice if it wa...
(Both laugh)
JC: No, it would be great..
DL: Uh, the clip here is uh,
JC: Uh, uh I really uh have no idea what the clip is..
DL: Oh come on! You know what it is!
JC: It's celluloid...
DL: You made the damn movie! What the hell is the clip?
JC: It's celluloid! No, I think there was some kind of mix-up, so it could be my home movies. I have no idea.
DL: Well, the staff is usually pretty observant. Let me see what they have to say. (to Staffer) I'm talking to, talking to Jim over here, and the idea of a clip just came up.
Staffer: Yes, it's the clip of Andy on Saturday Night Live.
DL: Andy.. Andy Kaufman.
JC: Oh! Yeah! Well, let me set this up..
DL: Ok
JC: This is Andy on Saturday Night Live.
DL: All right. Jim Carrey, Man on the Moon, take a look.

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DL: Uhhh.. If I don't get a chance to see you before the end of the year, happy happy new year.
JC: Thank you very much.
DL: And happy millennium. Do you have millennium plans?
JC: Thanks
DL: Are you gonna celebrate? Do you..how do you celebrate somethin' like that?
JC: Uhh.. I'm pretty much gonna play it by ear.
Dl: Yeah
JC: I'll give you an idea.. Can I get a countdown? Ten! (audience joins in) Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! (New Year's Eve Music) (Indistinct Singing) HAPPY NEW YEAR!! YEAH!! HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOOO!! WOOO! WOO HOO! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
..
DL: We'll be right back with Alanis Morissette!