English Script Request

You ever start, y'ever start laughing at a funeral? That's so, it's so horrible. 'Cause you, it's a very serious situation, but, you just, if you get the giggles at a funeral, they're just they're fucking hard to get rid of. What happened was, a guy in our class's father passed away on a Monday evening and on the Thursday it was decided that the class should go to the funeral. And we did and it was a very, we went to a very strict school. We had a nasty bastard of a headmaster. He had this weird ability to blend in to whatever he was standing beside. Right? And he spent the whole time just fucking walking around scaring people. We had a one-way corridor in our school. 'Cause that's what the manual control insisted on. Right? Too confusing to have people walking in two different directions. So, say for example now it's raining outside and you're sent on a message during the class. So, rather than walk outside in the rain, you use your common sense. I'll go the wrong way, up the one-way corridor, the one-way corridor is only a fucking idea anyway. Half-way up, the headmaster will just stride out from the wall. In his white-brick suit.
"What are you doing Tieran? Don't you know this is a one-way corridor?"
"Yes, sir."
"What happens, Tieran, if everybody went the wrong way up the one-way corridor?"
"Then it would be the other-way corridor, sir."
Well, he was at the funeral. He blended in to one of the stations at the cross. And all the teachers were there. And when we came into the church, our friend was up at the top, with what was left of his family, grieving, with him as the oldest of five children and they're all weeping. And most of the congregation were crying and the level of tension and grief, was fucking huge. Now we came in, and our friend was looking at us and we didn't know what the fuck to do. We were unaware of the appropriate gesture so the first fellow just went, and that became the thing to do.
One guy went, he knew more of the family than the rest of us did.

Did you ever start, did you ever start laughing at a funeral? That's so, it's so horrible because you're in a very serious situation but, if you get the giggles at a funeral, they're just, they're fucking hard to get rid of.

What happened was, a guy in our class, his father passed away on a Monday evening and on the Thursday it was decided that the class should go to the funeral, and we did and it was a very, we went to a very strict school and we had a nasty bastard of a headmaster. He had this weird ability to blend into whatever he was standing beside, right? And he spent the whole time just fucking walking around, scaring people.

We, we had a one-way corridor in our school, because that's what the manual control insisted on, right? It was too confusing to have people walking in different directions. So say for example now it's raining outside, and you're sent on a message during the class, so rather than walk outside in the rain, you use your common sense, and I think, well I'll go the wrong way up the one-way corridor, but the one-way corridor is only a fucking idea anyway.

Half-way up the headmaster would just stride out from the wall, in his white brick suit.
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING TIERNAN? DON'T YOU KNOW THIS IS A ONE-WAY CORRIDOR?'
'Yes, sir'
'WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TIERNAN, IF EVERYBODY WENT THE WRONG WAY UP THE ONE-WAY CORRIDOR?'
'Then it would be the other-way corridor sir'

Well, he was at the funeral.He'd blended in to one of the stations of the cross. And all the teachers were there. And when we came into the church, our friend, who was up at the top, with what was left of his family grieving, his was the oldest of five children, and they were all weeping, and most of the congregation were crying and the level of tension and grief was fucking huge. And we came in and our friend was looking at us, and we didn't know what the fuck to do, we were unaware of the appropriate gesture.

So the first fella, just went, and that became the thing to do. One guy went, he knew more of the family than the rest of us did.

Then the priest came out.
"In the name of the father, the son and holy ghost...
We besiege thy lord.....Jesus Christ...Jesus Christ.."

On and fucking on, and on, and on. And we were only fourteen, and we should of been let out for a breath of fresh air because, the tension was fucking, it was getting too much, and it wasn't going to take much to set us off, and it did not.

What happened was, this old lady was coming down from the alter and she tripped. Now she didn't fall over completely she managed to catch herself, but she made this noise, as, she just kind of clicking her tongue like. It was as if the lamb of God was repeating on her. And one guy up at the front just went, hahaha, she nearly fell over, hahaha, I'm still alive. And he tried to keep it to himself, but the shoulders fucking gave it away. And it just caught on with the rest of the class, hahahahaha, and people were starting to look over, and we had to pretend, that we were upset.
'He's no dad, he has no dad, where's my dad?, knock-knock, ah fuck off, knock-knock who's there? Not Micky's dad anyway.