English Script Request

[start]...for me or didn't have going for me was that I was always like painfully well behaved growing up all my life and I really blame...or thank rather my father for this because he did the most ingenious thing a parent has ever done. Are there any parents in the audience? (applaud/ whistle) All-right. In future parents I encourage you to do this. I...You guys are a little bit younger than me. Do spankings still exist? You can't spank your kids now right? You can! I am a fan of it. (laughter) I only got spanked once in my life and it worked. I will tell you why. I was in the Jacuzzi with my sister and she was a little bit older than me and she had this thing. She had very strong ballet thighs and for what ever reason she loved to show off to her friends when I would least expect it. She would just kick me as hard as she could in the stomach and it wasn't funny to me. It was funny to her and it just happened a lot. So i am in the Jacuzzi doing something and I get kicked in the stomach and I felled over and then this thing like hit me in the back of the head. This memory to the playground. Johnathan Fena was beating up this kid one day and the kid did something that stuck with me and at that point I repeated it to Laura. I said "freak you a-hole" only I didn't say freak you a-hole I said the real deal the whole thing and her eyes like lit up and she ran and got Dad and my Dad came out and he was again...I..just was...his face said it all and I was like and he was like what did you say to her and I was like I don't remember and he was like no I heard what you said say it for me right now and I was like I don't remember. I couldn't bring myself to do it because I could see he was let down. He said alright I am going to have to spank you. I was like oohh crap I had hear about spankings. I knew they were bad. He walked me to the stairwell, put me over his knee...I am going to try something real quick. I am going to try to like...I got to use two hands to do this. He walked me over ...put...put me on his knee. I like...my back was to him. I tensed up and I felt a hand go back. This is me and I felt this...(smack) and then I heard this (whine) and I was like what the hell and then again I felt (crying) and I was like is this really happening I looked behind and there was my Dad just like crumbled like a little bird. Just so disappointed trying to spank me like. He gave me three or four real weak fish like limp fish whacks and then he was like that should do it and I'll tell ya something he was right that did do it because I...that haunts me to this very moment and it made me...I never wanted to be in that awkward of a situation ever again. I don't want to let my down. I don't want to let you guys down. I don't want to let that guy over there....I was like...I never want to see anyone cry and try to spank me. I never asked him...I never asked him, but i know...i know for a fact that he did that all on purpose and I know he wasn't really even crying. He was like acting, but it was a brilliant...a brilliant Dad move...um...I am going to flash forward a moment.[end]