English Script Request

Ellen: Hi, David.
David: We can ju-, We can just do that for a few minutes at the end.
Ellen: yeah, well -
(applause)
Ellen: if you -
David: Reminds me - reminds me a little bit of being at home.
Ellen: uh huh, you like that? If you came around more often you would get that more often! You haven't been here in *five* years, do you know that?
D: Well -
Ellen: what did I do? what did I do -
D: what did *I* do?
Ellen: No, what did I do -
D: No, what did I do?
Ellen: You're always invited, you know that.
D: Really?
E: Yeah -
D: Okay, well
E: You helped me get this show.
D: well...
E: you did a pilot for me!
D: I know.

D: I know!
E: Yes
D: I know, right? And that was my pleasure, and you were amazing from the beginning. When I was here the first time, uh, five years ago.
E: Mm-hmm.
D: Umm, you give gifts back there.
E: Yes.
D: Now it's a T-shirt.
[Laughter from audience.]
E: Underwear! And underwear!
D: Before, it was underwear, and I have to tell you, I wore -- and it says, 'Ellen', right where it should, really. And uh, and I wore that underwear forever. It was the best underwear I ever had.
E: It's good underwear, isn't it? I'm going to send you a ton.
D: Do you think it's better to have 'Ellen' in the front or in the back?
[Laughter from audience.]
E: It goes all the way around!
D: I never looked in the mirror that way, so I don't know.
E: Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, it goes, it goes all the way around.
D: Of course it does!
E: Hehe, of course it does.
[Laughter from audience.]
E: Umm, and I will -- and I will -- Heh, I don't know what that means!
[Applause and cheers from audience.]
E: Umm, so, I understand you have a birthday coming up. Is it soon? Is it real soon?
D: There's no need to get personal, I already apologized that I hadn't been here for five years.
E: No, you're not sensitive about your birthday, are you?
D: No, not at all. It's a -- it doesn't mean anything to me. It's, it's -- you know, weight's just a number.
E: Weight is a number? Not age? Is that right? Umm, when is your birthday?
D: August seventh.
E: August seventh, and you will be, uhh, how old?
D: Yeah.
[Laughter from audience.]
D: That's right.

E: How old will you be?
D: We said that - We said it already, coming out of here.
E: No, we didn't.
D: Fifty!
E: Why do you think...
[Audience applauses]
D: Yeah, you know - uh - when I was in high school, I was often the point guard - uh - in basketball and um my voice broke for four or five years, and my nickname was Duke, and they would always call me Doo - OOKE.
E: Do you - are you worried about the fifty?
D: You coming back to that, huh? You're like -
E: Well, why are you? You look fantastic. Is there something that you're [inaudible].
[Audience applause]
E: Do you feel...
D: Well... now I'm beginning to enjoy the conversation.

E: Uhh, yeah. But do you feel...craz (crazy); do you work out still?
D: Yeah, sure. I mean, while I'm on californication I often have my shirt off.
E: Yes. Yes.
[Audience appause]
D: So, um, it would be eh...it would be disgusting if I didn't
[Audience laughs]
E: I don't know about disgusting but it would be different.
D: (same time) No, it would be, it would be disgusting.
E: It would be different. Um, and uh.
D: Nobody, you know it's pay TV, nobodies gonna pay
E: I see, that's what it is.
D: Maybe if it, if if it was free.
E: If it was free, was just regular network? You just wouldn't work out.
D: Oh, no no, not at all.
[Audience laughs]
E: Um, and uhh... and uh you're celebrating 13 years of marriage with Kaya (Caya?)? Congratulations.
[Audience applause]
E: Good looking couple. (during applause again says) Good looking couple. And...
D: Look at that, we brought out own umbrella to the golden globe. Wasn't that thoughtful?
E: That was very thoughtful. They, they probably passed them out there anyway, but...
D: That, that shirt was a shirt that I wore on the x-files and it was tailored for Taya for that. It was kinda a nice little...
E: That's cute that she wore your shirt to the golden globes.
D: Yeah, I know. It still smells...I smell her (I think).
E: And your children are...they have great names. What are they named?
D: Well, Madeline West, we call her West. That's my daughter. She's gonna be 11 next week. And Kid Miller, that's K-Y-D Miller, that's my son...
E: Uh huh...
D: Right there
E: There they are
D: And he's gonna be 8
E: Uh huh
D: And we call him Miller, but I kinda wanna call him Kyd. I'm waiting for the right time.
E: Uh huh... When he's older?
D: I think so, I don't know. It's just I'll feel it.
E: Oh okay
D: I'll feel it.
E: Um, I like both of those names: West and Kyd and
D: Yeah,
E: Miller...
D: Yeah
E: um and and so uh, you are are uh uh a strict dad or you
D: Well, I'm stricter than Taya so, uh I I don't think that we're strict in the past sense of the word but you know I can't think, uh the whining is what gets to me. I don't know. Eh uh, yeah
[Audience laughs]

[Audience laughs]
D: There's some parents [not sure, can't hear it] but but somehow, uh, Taya has this in insanely high threshhold for whining and that I just don't share, genetically in some way, and I I thought about it and it's probably because she got used to me whining and then ... [can't make it out] ... when we had the kids
E: Uh huh
[laughs]
D: She was ready
E: Uh huh
D: She was ready to have kids
E: And uh, but but they're, but they're good kids, they're well behaved kids?
D: They're really good kids
E: They seem like they're
D: Yeah
E: Cause you were, um I think, I remember the last time you were here how intelligent they were and that was actually kindof scary that they were so smart
D: Yeah, well in public they're really good kids
E: Uh hmm
[audience laughs]
D: Yeah. At home, it, I I believe that they were married in another life, my two kids.
E: Really?
D: Which is kindof creepy when you think about it
E: Uh huh, hugh
D: But they just bicker, they are the "Bickersons." They are constantly at each other, you know. And it's usually about gas.
E: Umm huh
D: But, you know, it's about chewing with your mouth open, and and gas, and and walking the dog; and the pretty much the same things Taya and I fight about.
E: Uhh huh, [laughs]...Alright. Um.
D: You know, I may be 50 but I still act like I'm 60
E: Uhh huh, [laughs] and that's the important thing