You know our first guest tonight from "The Aviator," "Pearl Harbor," "Underworld" – from many films. Starting August 3rd you can see her kick the crap out of Colin Farrell in the sci-fi thriller, "Total Recall." Please say hello to Kate Beckinsale.
-How are you?
-Oh, very well, how are you?
-Thank you for coming. You look fantastic.
-Thank you!
-I saw your movie last night...
-Did you see it?
-...it's great, yes, it's a lot of fun. Your husband directed this movie.
-Yeah, that's right, yeah, I was offended when he said there's a part of a psychotic bitch. Would you like to play it?
(Laughter)
-I think so.
-Oh, what gave you that...
–It's like the worst divorce ever I think, uh...
–Yeah
–...the story of this movie.
–
–Yeah, that, uh, that wouldn't be a weird thing, now that I think of it. Yeah, your husband's like "Yeah, there's this terrible, terrible wife, I think you'd be perfect for the role."
–I know, I know. I'm still slightly offended. I think it's also he has seen me, "PMS-ing," so possibly that gave him the inspiration. He has an app on his um, iPhone actually, called "Code Red" which...(Laughter)...it's a real app...
–He does?
–Yeah, it's not a joke.
– Isn't that a Mountain Dew?
(Laughter)
-And basically it sort of counts you down, it's like, you know, "Do approach her sexually today," "Don't today."
–It does?
–Yeah, "Put her in the dungeon with the ????? now for a week like..."
–Wow, that's crazy, huh, that's...And is it accurate?
–Yeah. I mean he, he seems to think it's more accurate than...
–I see.
–...than it is, but it does, it does give a good..
–If he puts up a fight, does he pull out his phone and go "uhnt"? I think that would make me madder than anything.
–Yeah. He kinda tends to go "ummmm" (Laughter) It's kind of annoying.
–Now you have daughter. Is she not in uh camp now or...?
–No, she's in actually, she's in France, in Provence doing...
–She's in "Frahnce"? (with British accent)
–In France! (Laughter)
–My parents never sent me to "Frahnce." (Laughter)
-Oh well.
–Where...what is she doing there?
–She's doing like a month-long language course there.
–Oh, so when she's out of school, you send her back to school.
–Right. It's the European way.
–Is it really?
–Yeah, I guess so.
–'Cause we go out in kayaks and stuff like that, or so I'm told, I uh, I didn't actually go to camp myself. My parents are here, I'm trying to make them feel good.
–You can catch all sorts of diseases at camp.
–Yeah, you do catch a lot of diseases there.
–Yeah, my daughter didn't want to go to camp here because apparently everybody throws up.
–Is that what they told you?
–Yeah
–Camp Upachucka?
–Yeah! (Laughter)
<Jimmy Kimmel> You'll know our first guest tonight from 'The Aviator', 'Pear Harbour', 'Underworld', from many films. Starting August 3rd you can see can see her kick the crap out of Colin Ferrell in the sci-fi thriller 'Total Re-Call', please say hello to Kate Beckinsale!
<Jimmy Kimmel> How are you?
<Kate Beckinsale> I'm very well, thank you.
<J.K.> Thank you for coming. You look fantastic.
<K.B> Thank you.
<J.K.> I saw your movie last night,
<K.B.> Did you see it?
<J.K.> it's great yeah,
<K.B.> Okay.
<J.K.> it's a lot of fun. Your husband directed this movie.
<K.B.> Yeah, that's right yeah, I was offended when he said that there's a part of a phsycotic bitch would you like to play her....
<J.K.> I don't think so..
<K.B.> Oh well what gave you that, uh, thought?
<J.K.> It's like the worst divorce ever, I think uh..
<K.B.> Yeah.
<J.K.> .. the story of this movie.
<K.B.> It's a sticky one.
<J.K.> That,uh, that uh wouldn't be a weird thing now that I think of it, yeah your husband's like 'Yeah there's this terrible, terrible wife I think you would be perfect for the role!'
<K.B.> I know, I know I'm still slightly offended. I think it's also he has seen me P.M.S.-ing so possibly that gave him the inspiration.... He has an app on his, um, iphone actually called 'code red' which...it's a real app....
<J.K.> He does?
<K.B.> ....It's actually not a joke, yeah!
<J.K.> Isn't it Mountain Dew?
<K.B.> Um, Basically it sort of counts you down so that you know 'Do approach her sexually today?' 'Don't today'..
<J.K.> It does?
<K.B.>Yeah, 'put her in the dungeon with the gimp now for a week'
<J.K.> Wow! That's crazy! That's...and is it accurate?
<K.B.> Yeah, I mean he ... he seems to think it's more accurate than..
<J.K.> ..I see..
<K.B.> ..than it is but it does....it does give a good,uh
<J.K.> If you guys have a fight does he pull out his phone and go *meee*? I think that would make me madder than anything...
<K.B.> Yeah he Kinda tends to go...'uuhhmmm' It's kind of annoying.
<J.K.> Now you have a daughter, is she ,uh, in ,uh, camp now or....
<K.B.> No,she's in, actually, she's in,um, France in Provence doing...
<J.K.> She's in France??...
<K.B.> ..in France..yeah...
<J.K.> My parents never sent me to France!!
<K.B.> Oh well....
<J.K.> Where, what is she doing there?
<K.B.> She's doing like a month long language course there.
<J.K.> Oh, so when she's out of school you send her back to school !
<K.B.> Right, it's the European way!
<J.K.> Is it really?
<K.B.> uh, Yeah! I think so..
<J.K.> 'Cause we go out on kayaks..and stuff like that, or so I am told, I didn't actually go to camp myself, my parents are here and I'm trying to make them feel guilty.
<K.B.> You can catch all sorts of diseases at camp.
<J.K.> Yeah you do catch a lot of diseases....
<K.B.> Yeah, my daughter didn't want to go to camp here because apparently that everybody throws-up...
<J.K.> Is that what they told you?
<K.B.> Yeah!
<J.K.> Camp Uppa-Chucka....
<K.B.> Yeah!
<J.K.> And is she enjoying her time in camp?
<K.B.> Oh she's loving it!
<J.K.> Oh, she loves it
<K.B.> She's loving it... do you know I've had... it's dificult when they're thirteen 'cause to actually get them talk to you on the phone. Um, so but when she's called me, she's called me twice. Uh, once when one of her friends almost burned down their apartment and once to really harrase me to let her have facebook. And that's it.
<J.K.> Let's go back to the burning down of the..
<K.B.> ..Yeah...
<J.K.> ..apartment. First of all, they have an apartment?
<K.B.> Well within a comp, my mother like down the hall,
<J.K.> Oh, ok..
<K.B.> ..its not like that....
<J.K.> And who set the fire?
<K.B.> Well, there's a one girl who, love her to death, is has is gluten intolerant so she has to make special pasta and um so after the event of everyone making dinner she was there sort of making pasta and she forgot, you know those electric hobs you can't necessarily tell if their off or on?..
<J.K.> ..Yeah..like a hot plate? oh yeah the...
<K.B.> That was on and and she left the box of rice pasta and then everything went up like a rocket!!
<J.K.> It did!!
<K.B.> I think so...
<J.K.> She's almost killed by gluten free...
<K.B.> ..Well they were...
<J.K.> .. pasta!!...
<K.B.> ..yeah, who can say that?
<J.K.> eh. Very few people. Wow! I have a feeling you're gonna find out that there's more to this story when your daughter turns like 27.
<K.B.> Oh God, oh God I never want to know that...
<J.K.> That does, that sounds like an unlikely tale to me so she called you to..
<K.B.>...is that like crack or what do you mean??
<J.K.> ...Well who knows I'm....
<K.B.> I'm so worried, I've only got one I've never done this before....
<J.K.> I don't know what goes on in France I've never been there....
<J.K.> You said facebook, do you allow your daughter to go onto facebook?
<K.B.> No, that's where the paedophiles are!! Isn't it? That's what I heard anyway.
<J.K.> I'm sure there are plenty of paedophiles...
<K.B.> ...I think there are...
<J.K.> Yeah, and did she get upset? I would imagine that this she would get upset.
<K.B.> Yeah, I was actually in the dentist's, I was and because the first phone call I had had been that the house was burning down and the firebrigade are here. Um, I-I was lying back in the chair with like, you know those four tampon things they have and in your mouth and and like a hose, I'm like no no no no I have to take all the tampons out I have to talk to my daughter. And she's like 'Momma I really need FaceBook' well ok, you know what I'm not talking about it right now.
<J.K.> How old will she be when you allow her to have the FaceBook?
<K.B.> Thirty.
<J.K.> Thirty?
<K.B.> I think then that you are kind of rational almost right?
<J.K.> Ah yeah, I guess so I would think more rational than thirteen for sure.
<K.B.> I think if you're gonna be asked 'will you send me a photograph of your boobs' its better to be thirty than thirteen.
<J.K.> For sure, yeah. Were you,uh, good in school? Were you well behaved?
<K.B.> Pretty well behaved, I mean I wasn't like a big drinker or anything.
<J.K.> You were not?
<K.B.> No, I'm still am not really. I never really got into it. I was actually, I went to Oxford and I was voted, I don't know why I'm saying this it is gonna follow me, but I was voted 6th most boring person in my college. I have to explain this though...there were
<J.K.> ...'Sixth' most boring....
<K.B.> ....Sixth, that's even more funny isn't it? Than the first..but you'll understand 'cause it, they had these like old drinking societies in Oxford and um it involves, you know to join, you have to drink a pint of vodka out of somebody's rain boot and things like that and then there was this horrid thing called anal chugging, that um it was a sort of, no its not as bad as it sounds, its not as bad as it sounds....
<J.K.> Can you translate this in Spanish for Guillermo? Because I don't think he caught that one.
<K.B.> Anyway,
<J.K.> Its not as bad as it sounds?
<K.B.> Its not.
<J.K.> Because it sounds bad!
<K.B.> It sounds really bad, well you can see why I didn't fancy it!
<J.K.> Yes!
<K.B.> You know, um, so they would there would be this rugby team in the Rose and they would go off and get all sweaty and then one of them would come in the bar and pull down his um trousers and pants and and then you'd pour a pint of beer down the crack of his ass and somebody else would have to be underneath drinking it! And so this is why I was 6th most boring because evidently there were 5 other people more turned off by this than me. Um, I'm proud of it!
<J.K.> I can imagine why you would steer clear of something like that!
<K.B.> It just didn't,it just didn't feel right.
<J.K.> That is one of the most horrible things I've ever heard. Yeah. Wow! That's 6th most borings and there was that, were there ten or did they stop at six?
<K.B.> I think that there were ten yeah, I think there was ten.
<J.K.> Okay, well at least you finished ahead of a few people.
<K.B.> Thank goodness!
<J.K.> Yeah!
<K.B.> I know!
<J.K.> I'm glad you brought this story up....
<K.B.> I am.
<J.K.> ...because there is something I would like to ask you to do.....
<K.B.> ....No no no no no I'm not doing it....
<J.K.> ..you're not doing it...
<K.B.> I know! I, no, I love my movie I don't love it that much to anal chug on this show...
<J.K.> Oh no no no no!! That was not....
<K.B.> Oh okay!
<J.K.> ...that was not what I was gonna ask you to do! Maybe now that I think of it maybe I should have have gotten..no! I was talking earlier about these books, they're taking these clasic books and they're making they're sexualizing these these classic pieces of literature and I was wondering if you would read one of the sexual parts?
<K.B.> Yeah!
<J.K.> From, from 'Mobey Dick'. Would you do that for us when we come back?
<K.B.> I would definately do it
<J.K.> I think that you will be giving it a touch of class.
<K.B.> Okay.
<J.K.> Kate Beckinsale is here, the movie is called 'Total Recall' and we'll be right back!
<Scene from 'Total Recall' with Colin Ferrill>
<K.B.> Your memory was replaced, you mind has been implanted with the life you think you've lived. Are you keeping up baby? There is no Douglas Quaid, there never was.
<Colin Ferrill> Are you saying I don't, this everything, our marriage?
<K.B.> What can I say? I give good wife.
<C.F.> Why are you trying to kill me? TALK!
<K.B.> I've got the 7 year itch Doug, and you haven't begun to see me try to kill you!
<end of scene>
<J.K.> That is 'Total Recal' with Colin Ferrell and Kate Beckinsale, that's a good movie and the fighting is great and um have you worked with Colin Ferrell before?
<K.B.> No I never had and I'd always been a little cross with him because when I first got together with my husband, who is a directer, I think they had, must have had similar facial hair um because I got sort of photographed somewhere and everybody said oh look she's dating Colin Ferrell and, and so I think he was sort of dating a lot of people at that time,
<J.K.> Oh!
<K.B.> um, so nobody really questioned it and um until I was in that stable of of people who slept..
<J.K.> ..great...
<K.B.> ...with Colin Ferrell for a long time and I think he was quite relieved when he met me when I said that we hadn't 'cause I'm not quite sure he remembered one way or the other!
<J.K.> That area, that time of his....
<K.B.> Yeah..
<J.K.> .... life was a bit of a blur.
<K.B.> Yeah, quite possibly.
<J.K.> Ok so just for the record you did not date Colin Ferrell
<K.B.> Oh God no! No, No!
<J.K.> As far as you can recall.
<K.B.> No,I as far as I can remember.
<J.K.> Ironic that he could not recall uh and this movie is 'Total Reacal' and that is kind of his character. His character originally was played by Arnold Schwazenegger and now they've done a version in English which is nice.
<K.B.> That's nice isn't it?
<J.K.> Yes!
<K.B.> Yes, I know. And and we all loved the Austrian voice.
<J.K.> Your fighting is great in the movie I mean it is... I mean I-I feel like you could really fight. Have you been in a fight?
<K.B.> Not for a long time. There was a really weird boy in my school when I was,um, when I was in grade school who, I think there was something a bit wrong with him, they'd call it something now, but you know
<J.K.> Right
<K.B.>... how we just had the weird kid.
<J.K.> Yeah..
<K.B.> And, um,and he used to he used pick on my very close friend who was a sort of ballerina, a rather harmless type and he'd pick up his dog right when it was about to go to the bathroom and hand it to her, you know it was a very cute dog, and then we'd end up we had to wear smocks with a pocket in it and she'd ended up with a lot of dog poo in her smock and I would definately beat him up for that.
<J.K.> You did?
<K.B.> Yeah you've got to.
<J.K.> He must get a real kick out of seeing you in this movie then.
<K.B.> Who knows he's probably in a prison for the criminally insaine.
<J.K.> You're probably right, let's keep our fingers crossed.
I have this book and,um, for those who did not see the begining of the show, there is a company that is now,um,adding sex to the classics. This is 'Mobey Dick' we've selected a,um, part of this book and if you'd be so kind as to actually...
<K.B.> Yeah..
<J.K.> ...in fact if we open the curtains here we have a special, um, set up for you here.
<K.B.> Oh!
<J.K.> And,um, there you have it, if you would just make yourself comfortable and, um ladies and gentlemen now I give you with a reading from the classic novel 'Mobey Dick' Kate Beckinsale, enjoy!
<K.B.> Through the glass I spied it afar and from the swells and betook myself. It was no spray of surf no cloud's reflection, nay not these but the great beast itself. The white whale. The pulsating white whale. As I drew the vessel near my insides began to feel like warm maple syrup was flowing through them. Mobey's eyes met mine, man and ocean beast locked eyes. Volcanic passion began to broil within me aching to errupt into an inter species frenzy of hot shuddering blubber. Our lips met, assuming whales have lips, his breath redlent of plankton and squid. I leaped upon the labiathon licking and nibbling the beast's briney back as I worked my way slowly towards his blow hole. I fumbled clumsiliy with the haliyard on my pantaloons the barnacles rough against my hungry thighs and then I rose nude and dripping ready for his flesh harpoon. And then he turned to me raised his mammoth head and whispered the words I so longed to hear 'Board me Ishmael' and so I did.
<J.K.> It doesn't get any better than that! Thank you so much!
<K.B.> ...Your welcome...
<J.K.> Thank you so much! Kate Beckinsale everyone!!
