Kimmel: If you happen to have two spare hours next weekend, you can see her punch, kick, and wrestle Kate Beckinsdale in a new version of the sci-fi classic "Total Recall". It opens in theaters August 3rd.
Please welcome Jessica Biel!
[music]
You look fantastic! [overlapping talk]
Biel: (thank you!) So do you!
Kimmel: Congratulations on, uh, your engagement to that guy.
Biel: Oh, thank you so much! "Oh that guy!"
Kimmel: I see--what happened to your hand, did it get hit by a meteor or is that a ring?
Biel: (yes, it did) He did a good job.
Kimmel: Did he pick it out himself?
Biel: Yes, he did.
Kimmel: How do you do that?
Biel: What do you mean?
K: I mean, what guys know about diamonds??
B: Him! He does!
K: I guess so. I think you'd have to be a rich guy who knows about that sort of thing to know about that sort of thing. But [overlap]
B: That man just has class, I think.
K: He does?
B: Yeah
K: Yeah. He has it all, doesn't he?
B: I like that guy a lot.
K: I would think so. By the way, I wanna thank you for...the last time you were here, and it was not on the actual show, but
B: (uh-huh)
K: we shot an exercise video together--
B: Oh, yes we did.
K: --we had many beautiful women in this exercise video...and me...and, um...
B: (that's right)
K: It was called "The Hottie Body Exercise System" and you, amongst all--everyone--who was there, you really stood out. You were shining--
B: (did I?)
K: oh, oh, yes, you did. And let me show you why. Let me show you why.
B: (Oh, God...)
[video plays]
B: (God. Oh my God!)
K: That...that is remarkable!
B: I don't ever need to see that again--ever...ever again.
K: Let's watch it one more time...
[video plays]
K: How do...how do you DO that?
B: That is horrifying. That is so horrifying.
K: See, that's interesting because I don't think of it as horrifying when I see it--
B: Did you see my FACE?
K: Yeah!
B: --like a serial killer going on there...
K: I've studied it repeatedly, yes.
B: Oh my God. I think--I think that...that was like many Beyonce videos, watching Beyonce videos...
K: Can I be honest? I actually tried, like, to do it myself--
B: Did you film it??
K: --no, no, because I couldn't. I would have to be an [??] earthquake to do that, I mean, really, you'd have to glue me to the floor and have my [butt?] because it's just...
B: I've never moved like that ever ag[again]--in my life before and never after.
K: So really--
B: So that was like an...an isolated experience.
K: I figured it something you learned--maybe in some exercise class, or for some movie you trained to beat somebody up with your stomach or something...
B: I--I literally think I--I passed out when that happened. I don't remember doing it.
K: I passed out when it happened, also. I [mean?/think?] I speak for all of us when we say we passed out when that happened.
B: Oh my God.
K: That's a great skill to have--
B: (well thank you)
K: --it really is and I don't know exactly--
B: I'll try to cultivate that again...somehow.
K: I hope you pass that onto your children and they to their children...
B: (Oh God!)
K: Like, can your grandma do that? Is she able to, uh...?
B: You know, PROBABLY because, well, one of my grandmothers is an incredible dancer--
K: --oh really?
B: --so that's probably where that was from and my my other grandmother is an incredible artisan.
K: Oh! (Really) What does she make--what kind of things?
B: (And) (Well) We call her Biel
K: You do? (Just Biel?)
B: She's always been Biel. Just Biel
K: ...She's a Marine or something?
B: Yeah, that's it!
K: (okay)
B: ...or, like, an NFL player or something.
K: (okay)
B: --I don't know what it is with that, but she paints, she makes things out of gourds--which I didn't even--I didn't even know what that meant until she was making a thing out of a gourd.
K: (I do) It's the...they're the worthless, uhm, I don't know if they're fruits or vegetables or what
B: (yes! worthless)
K: --or something, but they use them for maracas and stuff like that.
B: (exactly right)
K: What does she make out of gourds?
B: I don't know...she paints on them. She paints...things and people and frogs and stuff...
B: Well, she used to live in Florida, and not only do we call her Biel but we also call her Roadkill. Because, uh, she—I mean, she's quite a, uh, forward thinker.. she would take the squashed lizards and frogs from the road in Florida and she would press them beautifully into clay, and she would paint them, and she would bake them, and then she would send them to me as a necklace.
K: Wow.
B: I—I still have them!
K: She likes squash, I guess. Really? As a necklace? So—
B: And pendants, and things.
K: —what animals—like squirrels, and—
B: No, no, no. Little. Like frogs.
K: Okay.
B: Like a squashed lizard, like… like that… hanging on a chain with a bead and a beautiful braided thing.
K: And you would wear this?
B: Well, yeah, it's from Biel.
K: Does she sell them to people?
B: No, never for profit.
K: Oh, really?
B: No, just for grandchildren.
K: Will she ever kill the animals herself to get jewelry out of them?
B: I don't know. She's a little shifty… you don't know about—I—she could have. I'm not sure—I don't think so.
K: Does she ever come out to visit? Because I think she could probably make a lot of money off that sort of thing.
B: I think so too. She—she has come up before, but the last time that I invited her to come to a premiere, she was too busy with the crafts, and said she needed to stay in her workplace.
Kimmel: Really? Maybe was it busy like a travel weekend and there were a lot of animals being run over?
Biel: The highway was jam-packed, it was exciting, she was screaming.
K: So your grandma is out on the highway looking around for dead things.
B: I guess, yes, that's her on the side of the street.
K: Wow, nicely done, Biel. Yeah.
B: She's the best.
K: Would you do weird things like that? Are you, no?
B: No, I don't do a lot of scraping of corpses.
K: What would you do over the summer as a kid?
B: Well, we lived in Boulder so, I mean, anything outdoors you could imagine. Skateboarding, bike riding, hiking, kayaking, everything.
K: Really?
B: Snowboarding. . . well, during the winters we would always be outside, constantly.
K: Really? No sitting in the house playing video games?
B: No. The only video game I ever had was Mario 1 Nintendo. And I literally had to not watch t.v. for a year to get that.
K: Oh you did?
B: Yeah. It was...
K: So, your parents were strict about that sort of thing.
B: They were really serious about that.
K: So were you like a tomboy?
B: Yeah. Yeah. I mean my dad would say -- you know, 'Don't come back (don't come back) without (like) a scratch. Don't come out unless you have', you know...
K: Blood?
B: Grass stains on your jeans.
K: Really? (laughing)
B: Then you've done something today.
K: Is that right?
B: Yeah! (laughing)
K: That was his thing?
B: So it was his, its his fault that I'm so messed up...(laughing)
K: See, my mother would scream at me if we came back with grass stain on our jeans.
B: Yeah, it was complete opposite. They're like get in the dirt now.
K: Really?
B: Get in there.
K: Wow. This is a strange family.
B: It is wierd.
K: And are they all unnaturally good looking?
B: Well, my, my mother and father are incredibly beautiful people and my grandparents...everyone, they're...I, I'm, I thank them. I had nothing to do with it.
K: I, well, we all thank them. Thank you guys.
B: Thank you, Grandma!
K: That is Colin Ferrel and Jessica Beal in Total Recall. It's a good movie. It came out really good. You and Kate Beckinsale really beat the crap out of each another.
B: Yeah we do.
K: I mean you fight a lot in this movie.
B: We do. It was fun. It was weird though because Kate and I we always fight dudes. Usually..
K: In movies
B: In movies
K: yeah, OK.
B: Yeah, we fight girls in real life but..
K: I see
B: No, always you're fighting a stunt guy, you're fighting, you know she's fighting vampires, some like crazy monster but never fought another woman before.
K: Is that different?
B: Yes.
K: Why?
B: It was bizarre. I mean, it's Kate Beckinsale.
K: Uh hu. Ha ha ha.
B: I don't want to, you know, make a mistake and punch her in the face or something.
K: Oh right.
B: Plus, plus her husband's right there staring at me.
K: He directed the movie.
B: He directed the movie. So it was so weird.
K: Yeah, but, he is probably rooting for you in that situation. I mean, let's be honest. You know what it's like to be . . . he he ha ha.
B: Oh my gosh it was so weird because I mean girls fighting girls just makes for terrible outtakes. It's not . .
K: Why?
B: 'Cause it's not cool. 'Cause, you know, we do the scene, we fight the fight. And they're like, "Oh my god! Your hand thing got caught on my hair. No no no you didn't pull it. I didn't pull it? No no no, you didn't get me at all. I love you. You're so cute. You look so pretty. You look so pretty. No you look so pretty. Like that's literally what it is like. It's so ...
K: That doesn't sound so bad to me.
B: ...stupid. It's not cool at all.
K: It isn't cool.
B: It's not cool.
K: Guys don't do that? They're not apologetic afterwards?
B: No because you can just, you can actually punch those dudes and they're like, yeah, give me some more.
K: And they're okay with it. Yeah.
B: They're fine with it.
B: They're great.
K: They can't admit it if anything has happened to them.
B: Exactly.
K: Yeah. I'm going to ask you to do me a favor if you would be so kind, because I've been working on a project this summer...
B: Okay.
K: I'm trying to rewrite my personal history.
B: Oh, good. Good plan.
K: Did you go to the prom when you were, uh, in high school?
B: Well...
K: Did you go to high school, or were you in, like, show-biz high school?
B: I was in show-biz high school
K: Oh you were… oh.
B: I was working around, when I started, when I was a freshman and I was um, uh, on set with a tutor, for the most part...
K: Gotcha
B: …and following different random curriculum so I, you know I , I ended up, I ended up going to a couple of dances, uh, with my uh, my friend Beverly Mitchell who played my sister on 7th Heaven to.. I went to her school. Cause she would call me and she would just say, "Hey, I have a couple of, you know, I, I have a friend who doesn't have a date, would you go?"
K: Oh, okay.
B: And I was like...
K: Wow.
B: …"Yeah, sure. I'll go."
K: Uh huh.
B: And so I would get decked, you know, decked out and I would show up and I ended up always like, being the date for the sort of sexually questionable dude. I, I was basically a beard.
K: Uh huh. Oh, really?
B: I would just show up and he would ditch me and I would be by myself at a weird school, like..
K: Well, I have another sexually questionable dude that I would like you to...
B: Oh good.
K: Can we open the curtains here? Now, uh, what we have here is a um, if you come over here for one second? If you would be so kind...
B: Is that you?
K: Um, this is me in high school.
B: Awww. Pink tux.
K: Yes, now, I had, we, I didn't have a tux so that's, that part is fake, but..
B: Oh.
K: If you would, just go ahead there and stand next to.. and I'm going to put this in my, um, eh my personal book and then we'll pretend that you and I went to the prom together. Ok?
B: You're a little stiff. If only you would loosen up, we could...
K: I know. That was my problem back then, I think. I'm much more loose now. Yeah, be, um… if you could, really act like you're into me, uh, you know. Yeah, that's good. Blowing in the ear...
B: Maybe like this...
K: Yeah. Ooh… Ok good. Alright good. I think we got it. Now let's, let's play it back and see if we got it cause I want to make sure we have it just right. Okay. Oh yeah. Look… Look! You're doing it again! You're doing that thing again!
B: Noo! Noo!
K: Oh wow. That's a lot of action going on there. Well, thank you so much, this is really going to help me, forget...
B: Anytime.
K: Jessica Biel everyone! Total Recall opens in theaters August 3rd...
