Thank you very much Paul.
Anytime.
Anytime.
Are you ready?
Never "readier".
Thank you. Our next guest is a talented actress starring in a new film entitled 'Scary Movie 5'. I think it's a sequel. It's in theaters on Friday. Ladies and gentlemen, Lindsay Lohan.
Really..um, Dave?
You look great. Now, tell people why it is you're here tonight.
Well I want to start by saying that, um, I didn't think you were Dr. Phil. I thought I was doing Fallon.
That's right. She thought she was doing Fallon ladies and gentlemen.
And I was here early, so you do owe Paul a......
Yes, we've settled up. Don't worry.
You were here early. She was. I can confirm it, yeah.
The first time you were on the show was the old show at NBC. What year was it, 1986?
(1992)
1992 (nineteen ninety-two).
I was born in 86 (eighty six).
Yeah. Here she is on...look at that! Look at that. You wore a, uh, halloween costume.
I was things found on the floor of the D-train.
That's right, you were dressed up as the....
And there was an issue because I believe there was a condom on the suit.
Ohhh, no. Was there really? On your costume?
And Lacey Shabert did it too, who was in 'Mean Girls' with me. She was a stun gun.
Oh, she was also on that...
Yeah.
....yeah. Well, you look remarkably well. You know, I've made...routinely made jokes about you and activities, true and otherwise. You're aware of that right?
I like that you said true and otherwise. True and false.
Yeah. Some of the activities are not true at all, is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah. (Shuffles papers) Lindsay Lohan was on The Today Show this morning. The appearance went well...only one camera is missing.
That would be a lot for me to carry I think.
Now, do you routinely go around grabbing stuff?
Uh, no. We thought we were going to do a joke when I came out, where my tag was still on my dress , and then you had to cut it off. And umm...
Well, wait a minute, who said no to that? That's tremendous!
We didn't tell you in time.
Oh no.
I was trying to pull a fast one. But, um, yeah, you were gonna cut it off and I would have said "Oh, not again, I really can't (?)..." But I did buy this one.
But do..you don't....yes, or no...do you steal stuff?
No. Do you?
No.
Do you steal your cups?
No. You can have that. That's complimentary.
Oh, thank you. So we're done?
Lindsay Lohan's in court so often, the cafeteria has named a sandwich after her.
They don't let you eat there!
No, it's not so bad, is it?
What is this, like a gourmet court?
Yeah.
Lindsay Lohan punched a psychic in a night club. It was right after the psychic told her "You will soon punch a psychic in a night club."
Shut up!
Now, aren't you supposed to be in rehab now?
Do you not watch anything that goes on? Read a tabloid...
I do! Now here's what I..
May Second.
I was under the...May second?
And how long will you be in rehab?
Uh, three months.
How many times have you been in rehab?
Several.
And what...how will this time be different? What are they rehabbing, first of all? What is on their list? What are they going to work on when you walk through the door?
We didn't discuss this in the pre-interview. Just saying.
No. But it'll be three months, and you....
No, I think...I think, to be honest, I'm happiest when I'm working, and healthiest, and I think this is an opportunity for me to, you know, focus on what I love in life. And I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's a blessing, and...
To be able to..yeah, It's perhaps a life saver. A career saver.
Yeah. Thank you.
Now, do you have addiction problems?
Now you sound like Dr. Phil.
Yeah, I'm sorry. Is it like...alcohol? Do you drink too much?
We've discussed this in the past.
Did we, really? When did we discuss this? See, I'm the one who's having the blackouts. What does that tell you?
I'm just saying.
I oughta be in rehab! For the love of God! What is wrong with me? So, now...when you go to the rehab, what do they do?
Let's..let's..this is..we have work here for a movie. Let's stay on the positive. Like..aside from that side of the positive. Come on now.
Ok, we'll talk about the movie.
I've been here since I was seven.
Seven years old. How many times do you think you've been here?
I wouldn't know, I'll have to find out in rehab.
I have a list here of things that you've endured. Can I run down a few things here.
Oh, can I see them first?
Yeah, go ahead. You can read them or not read them.
Up here...
I though you were going to be nice!
These are the appetizers up here, these are the main courses, there's your deserts down at the bottom.
Community service hours...560(five hundred and sixty). At the morgue.
At the morgue. The L.A. county morgue?
Heavy D. was there when I was there. Yeah. I was at the L.A. county morgue. Let's go on to the next one.
Those are the jokes.
Oh. Are you ok now? It feels like people should be helping you. Do you have money saved? Therapy? Ask yourself : Why always in trouble? I don't know, I couldn't answer that. I'm a target, I've always been. And I've put myself..in the past.. in situations where, you know, I take full responsibility for it, and, it wasn't funny, and I was being immature, and I was going through a phase, and I had a lot of family stuff
going on, and things in life, and...you grow up and you mature. And I've said that a million times, I know that. But, what else am I supposed to say when it's a process of life, and, I'm not trying to deny anything that I've...any situation...
Well, that's very nice of you to say all of this, and I'm happy for you...
And...but..
No, no! But I think you should be..
I know where this is going.
Noooo, you don't know where it's going, but I'm saying...
No, I don't.
You're lucky that now we have this rehab that you're looking forward to, and you're saying what you say, and you feel what you feel before you got hurt or someone else got hurt.
No, I agree. I am looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to taking time for myself and, the next time I come on this show, that will be in my past. And that's the....
Because the best way through this...uh, the victory is to succeed and get through this and have a wonderful life ahead of you. That's what they always told me in psychiatry. And I've done my time.
We can do our own photo together like that.
Yeah.
That's the next cover of the Post.
Yeah.
It's like this...do it with me. I've done my time.
And I'm fine. But you know what they say..and I know you've heard this..they say "Well first..first, we put out the fire. First we put out the fire, and then we...."
My hair?
".......take care of the faulty wiring."
So you're mic'ing my hair?
No, it's..oh nevermind. Just take care of the fire, then we get to the wiring problem.
No, I know. It's...I've gone through a lot in life and I'm looking forward to actually just taking time for me.
Mmhm. (Shuffling papers)
You can't make a joke of it!
I just wanna, I just...
That's so mean!
I don't...I'm not joking!
You're not doing that! We're not doing that!
Ok. One or two?
No, this is my show now! I'm gonna come back from rehab and take over your spot.
How about just one...
No.
Just one?
No.
Not one, no? Alright, you showed up, I mean...
You showed up! 'Cus I wasn't going to.
You know they...
Oh my God!
Come on, be a father figure.
Alright, fine. I'm like three times your age for the love of God.
Sorry.
[?] like I'll be dropping dead soon? What, is that what it is?
No. I just hope to be in a position like you are, and happy and healthy.
Well, I think you will be! That's what I'm saying! You win by taking care of your life because people are rooting against you now. They love...
They haven't before?
Well, so now the best way to show them that they're wrong...
No, I agree.
....is to turn it all upside down on them.
Thank you. I couldn't agree more.
Stop with that page!
We'll be right back with Lindsay Lohan ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you very much. Uh, you're on the Anger Management Show with Charlie Sheen. Charlie and you were lifetime friends, or he became a new friend? How did..tell...explain that relationship.
Um, I met Charlie when I was doing Scary Movie 5 in Atlanta. And, we discussed...you know, maybe doing...he told me about a show that he was
starting to do and he hadn't started yet...and so, it kind of all came together, and it was..it's a really great set. It's a really nice environment. Everyone's so funny.
Did Charlie offer to give you some money, or gave you money or is that not true?
That's something you'd have to ask Charlie.
Have to ask Charlie?
Yeah.
When Charlie was off on his little "trip", did you ever say to yourself...wow, this guy's nuts!
I think he said it about himself. For a minute.
And Charlie's been back...
He's really nice.
He's a very nice fellow, and can kind of laugh about what he was up to...
But you know what's something that I think is great about someone like him is that..I...when you're on set, and the crew's there and they're working so hard day and night, he literally says 'thank you' to everyone in the crew, and says 'hi' to everyone in the crew and really respects them. And I respect that a lot, and I always have since I was a kid, and I've met a alot of actors that I've been blessed enough to work with that have told me...and I've seen that that's something important to do. So he always like, has them laughing, and has them having fun, and it's a really light-hearted, just...it's just a happy environment.
We've been here doing the show about thirty years, and there's still people whose names I don't know. Thank you. I know, I know.
He didn't mean that.
No.
Just say you didn't mean that.
Well, no, I didn't mean it. It's true, but I didn't mean it!
Lindsay, let's show them a clip of the film. This opens Friday, Scary Movie...you have to be in rehab May 2nd. Are you gonna be there? You'll be there, right? Who's taking you to rehab? You don't wanna talk about that either, right?
Oh God! Jimmy Fallon! And you!
Jimmy and I will drive her to rehab. And so, when you come out, will you...
No, I don't want people to think that I'm making a joke of that.
No, you shouldn't make a joke, because this could be good for you. It will be good for you.
It will.
Yeah. Have you been to this place..
No. No. It's not, like, a joking matter.
No. But, what in life can't we make light of? Honestly. Really, we're all...
No, I'm fine with making light of myself...
(you're a good sport)
...that's why I wanted to walk out with a tag on.
Yeah, I mean, we never thought we'd see you again, honestly. You know? Because of the jokes and stuff. But yet, you have enough spine, enough sense of yourself, enough poise to come out here and talk to me.
Alright, alright, that's enough. Uh, so....
(Sips from mug) I thought this was gonna be vodka.
Oh!
Shucks!
Now, you gotta stop drinking. They don't let you drink in rehab...
It was a joke!
I know! I wish you'd come out with the tags on your dress though.
I know, it would have been so funny.
Yeah. We'll do that...
It's not funny because...
We'll do that on Fallon.
....it's hurtful toward me.
No, I love seeing you!
I love seeing you! Honestly. It's nice. You..
Stop!
Awww, she's tearing up a little bit. God bless you.
(From the crowd) I love you Lindsay!
I love you too.
Let's take a look at the clip now. What is this gonna be?
I believe this is a scene from Scary Movie when I'm with Charlie in the bedroom.
And you see..he sees something that scares him, you see something that scares you.
Yeah, he actually saw what happens in this scene. I haven't seen it yet, but um...
(Dave hands her a tissue)
..oh thanks, let's make that obvious and all. Umm, but. No, he sees something in the scene and..there..there's..there's a lot of things that happen in the scene..sorry, I'm flustered right now because you made me [?] because you're very sweet.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Um...whatever, just watch the clip.
Take a look at the clip.
You see, it's 'Scary Movie 5' ladies and gentlemen. Lindsay Lohan. God bless you. Good luck to you.
Thank you.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you.
There she is. We'll be back with Pete (Lee?) ladies and gentlemen.
