As it turned out, other circumstances came up, and their friends couldn’t get together with them anyway. If Jeff had tried to pursue his agenda of going out West, it would have been a waste of time. More importantly, by not pressing his point and by being open to what his wife had to say, Julie felt heard and respected for her feelings.
In the past, Jeff might have handled this situation differently. He might have had thoughts like, “She never wants to do anything!” He would have tried to logically convince her of why they should go where their friends live: because it was warmer there, because they lived by the ocean, or whatever else supported his agenda.
In contrast, deep listening enabled Jeff to understand and respect Julie’s feelings, and he felt fine about the outcome of their talk. This non-pressured approach to listening helped Julie to sort out her own feelings, which is conducive to gaining insights. And he felt loving, secure, and quiet while he was deeply listening to Julie.
This interaction led to a feeling of closeness and connection between Jeff and Julie. It helped him to see the situation in a new way and to let go of his agenda, and it helped her get clarity on what she wanted to do.
The goal of deep listening is to be touched by the other person and to hear the essence of what he or she is saying. Deep listening is based on a feeling of unconditional love and respect. It stems from our natural Self, from timeless love. In addition, it slows you down to the speed of love.
