However! I couldn’t exist like that. Reality is wonderful.
I thought of the money my grandmother had left me – just enough. The place was too big, too expensive, for one person. I had to look for another apartment. There was no way around it. I thumbed through the listings, but when I saw so many places all the same lined up like that, it made my head swim. Moving takes a lot of time and trouble. It takes energy.
I had no strength; my joints ached from sleeping in the kitchen day and night. When I realized how much effort moving would require – I’d have to pull myself together and go look at places. Move my stuff. Get a phone installed – I lay around instead, sleeping, in despair. It was then that a miracle, a godsend, came calling one afternoon. I remember it well.
Dingdong. Suddenly the doorbell rand.
It was a somewhat cloudy spring afternoon, I was intently involved in tying up old magazines with string while glancing at the apartment listing s with half an eye but no interest, wondering how I was going to move.
Flustered, looking like I’d just gotten out of bed, I ran out and without thinking undid the latch and opened the door. Thank god it wasn’t a robber. There stood Yuichi Tanabe.
“Thank you for your help the other day,” I said. He was a nice young man, a year younger than me, who had helped out a lot at the funeral. I think he’d said he went to the same university I did. I was taking time off.
“Not at all,” he said. “Did you decide on a place to live yet?”
“Not even close.” I smiled.
“I see.”
“Would you like to come in for some tea?”
“No. I’m on my way somewhere and I’m kind of in a hurry.” He grinned. “I just stopped by to ask you something. I was talking to my mother, and we were thinking you ought to come to our house for a while.”
“Huh?” I said.
“In any case, why don’t you come over tonight around seven? Here’s the directions.”
“Okay…” I said vacantly, taking the slip of paper.
“All right, then, good. Mom and I are both looking forward to your coming.” His smile was so bright as he stood in my doorway that I zoomed in for a closeup on his pupils. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I think I heard a spirit call my name.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll be there.”
But as it sounds, it was like I was possessed. His attitude was so totally “cool,” though, I felt I could trust him. In the black gloom before my eyes (as it always is in cases of bewitchment), I saw a straight road leading from me to him. He seemed to glow with white light. That was the effect he had on me.
“Okay, see you later,” he said, smiling, and left.
Before my grandmother’s funeral I had barely known him. On the day itself, when Yuichi Tanabe showed up all of a sudden, I actually wondered if he had been her lover. His hands trembled as he lit the incense; his eyes were swollen from crying. When he saw my grandmother’s picture on the altar, again his tears fell like rain. My first thought when I saw that was that my love for my won grandmother was nothing compared to this boy’s, whoever he was. He looked that sad.
Then, mopping his face with a handkerchief, he said, “Let me help with something.” After that, he helped me a lot.
