Natural speed, please. Try to add expressivity, kind of "acting out" these jokes.
Funny stories doctors tell
Speaker 1
My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said.
“What’s the bad news?” I asked.
“It tasted awful.”
Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her they’re called eardrops for a reason.
Speaker 2
During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon.
“Ah, Dr Jones, a meeting of the minds,” he said, laughing it off.
The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And I felt so alone.”
Speaker 3
An older lady was brought to us barely conscious by her husband. She told the doctor she was dying. She had complained of feeling very dizzy and having a dry mouth before she fainted. The doctor talked to the husband and they did a history. No serious medical problems and she was very fit. In fact she spent the morning cleaning her son’s home bar. Considering her age they took these symptoms very seriously and began running tests to find ot the reason for such condition. The son came in to visit his mother, and when he was still at home he stopped at his bar. He noticed that his mother had helped herself to some of the 'treats' his friend had brought him the night before. The son had then to explain to his father and the doctor that the treats she had enjoyed were muffins with marihuana his friend had brought him from Amsterdam! And apparently she really enjoyed them as she had eaten quite a number! Then the consciousness returned to the lady, the doctor explained to her she was not dying but was under the influence of drugs. Fortunately she was still high enough to see the humour.
Speaker 4
During my internship a girl came to visit. She had increasingly painful and red eyes since a couple of days back. The last 24 hours had been horrible. I asked about all the normal stuff and she claimed to have no idea why she had this eye problem - she had never had anything wrong with her eyes. I proceed to drop some drops in her eyes to check them in a microscope, and when I do I realize she's wearing contacts. She didn't like her natural eye colour, so she had bought a set of blue coloured lenses 8 months earlier. Never removed them, not even during night time. Didn't even think to mention this to me, claimed to have no "foreign materials" in her eyes. Needless to say, I gave her quite the harsh lecture and a send her to an ophthalmologist.
Speaker 5
I see some crazy stuff, but one thing that stands out was the time I was admitting a guy to the hospital. I can't really remember what for; he was a tall young man, quite fat and large. Anyhow I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his ten family members who are crowded in the room with him. A few minutes in he starts complaining that he's thirsty. So I get on my phone and call the nurse assistant and ask her to bring in some water. As soon as the words are out of my mouth the whole family screams "NOOOO! NO WATER! HE’S ALLERGIC TO WATER!" Well this is going to be a problem. Turns out the guy had been drinking nothing but sprite and cola for years because of his "water allergy". The next question the wife had was "Where are we all supposed to sleep?" The whole family, ten people, were planning to stay at hospital with him.
