English Script Request

What I thought I would do, uh, as some of you know, the novel "The English American" grew out of a one-woman show I have, which is also called "The English American" which is semi-autobiographcal in which I talk about being adopted by an English family and then coming to find my birth mother in the United States and so what I thought I would do this evening would be just to perform very few excerpts from the show which will show you where the fiction came from when you read the book and so, hello, my name is Allison Larkin and I come from Bald Mountain, Tennesse. I arrived in America several years ago now to meet the mother who gave me birth for the very first time. You see, I was adopted and brought up in England and before I met her I thought I was English, but I'm not. I'm a redneck. And I, like Thomas's English Muffins was packaged as English, but made in the USA. And sometimes I'm a bit confused about how to behave. A chap came up to me in New York City recently and said, "Give me all your money!" and the English part of me said, "Well, I haven't got much on me at the moment but my cash machine's just around the corner." and then I thought, "No, Allison, you're an American now!" So I shot him. I've seen Kill Bill. I know how to behave. And I knew I'd be alright because in America you get more jail time for littering than you do for murder. So, if you do feel like killing anybody, just make sure you don't leave any litter by the body. A bloody gun is okay. Particularly if you're a celebrity in which case you can kill as many people as you like, because you can afford the right lawyer, who will then go on to become a celebrity himself as yet another expert commentator who's really just another author trying to sell another book on CNN. If you're not a celebrity, and would like to become one, uh, the serial killer Son of Sam, was on Larry King Live last week. He was adopted. But then, so was Moses, Walt Whitman, Edgar Allen Poe, the chap who started Apple Computers, Eleanor Roosevelt and probably tons of other famous people, only I can't be sure without seeing their original birth certificates, which would be difficult even for them because in America, it's actually illegal for adopted people to have access to their original birth certificates. Making adopted people the only American citizens to have their names changed, apart of course from people in the Federal Witness Protection Program.