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English Script Request

Complete / 984 Words
by eternica 0:00 - 2:25

This is called "Advertising Lullaby" keeping in mind of course that the whole purpose of advertising is to lull you to sleep.

Quality, values, style, service, election, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money back guarantee, free installation.

Free admission for appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking. No cash, no problem. No kidding, no fuss, no must, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary. No one will call on you. No payments and interest until September, but -

Limited time only though, so act now.
Order today.
Send no money.
Offer good while supplies last.
2 to a customer.
Each item sold separately.
Batteries not included.
Mileage may vary.
All sales are final.
Allow 6 weeks for delivery.
Some items not available.
Some assembly required.
Some restrictions may apply.

So, come on in.
Come on in.

Come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly, professional staff. Our experience and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection just right for you and just right for budget.

And say - don't forget to pick up your free gift:
a classic, deluxe, custom designer, luxury, prestige, high-quality, premium, select, gourmet pocket pencil sharpener.

Yours for the asking. No purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you.

And if you act now, we'll include an extra added free complementary bonus gift: a classic, deluxe, custom designer, luxury, prestige, high-quality, premium, select, gourmet combination key-ring, magnifying glass, and garden hose in a genuine imitation leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim.

Yours for the asking. No purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you.

Actually, it's our way of saying: bend over just a little bit farther so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper - a little bit deeper - a little bit deeper.

You miserable, no good, fucking consumer asshole.

by Cnettle 2:25 - 5:05

2:25: 'Cuz you do know folks, living in this country you're bound to know, that every time you're exposed to advertising you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. High quality, grade A, prime-cut, pure American Bullshit.

2:48: And the sad part is, is that most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that Bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources. Advertising, politics, salesmen, not true.

3:00: Bullshit is everywhere. Bullshit is rampant. Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit and law-enforcement people are full of shit! This entire country is completely full of shit and always has been from the Declaration of Independence to the Constitution to the Star Spangled Banner, its still nothing more than one big steaming pile of red, white and blue all American bullshit.

3:28: Because... think of how we started. Think of that! This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us all men are created equal. Oh yeah, all men except for Indians, Niggers and women, right? Always like to use that authentic American language.

3:46: This was a small group of unelected white male landholding slave-owners who also suggested their class be the only one allowed to vote. Now that is what's known as being stunningly and embarrassingly full of shit.

4:02: And I think Americans really show their ignorance when they say they want their politicians to be honest. What are these fucking cretins talking about? If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life the whole system would collapse! No-one would know what to do! Honesty would fuck this country up. And I think deep down Americans know that that's why they elected and re-elected Bill Clinton. That's why.

4:34: Because... because the American people like their bullshit right out front where they can get a good strong whiff of it. Clinton might be full of shit but at least he lets you know it.

4:47: Dole tried to hide it didn't he? Doll kept saying. " I'm a plain and honest man." Bullshit. People don't believe that. What did Clinton say? He said. " Hi folks, I'm completely full of shit and how do ya like that?" And the people said " You know something, at least he's honest."

by Cnettle 5:05 - 6:40

5:05: At least he's honest about being completely full of shit. This 's just like the business world. Same as business. Everybody knows by now all business men are completely full of shit. Just the worst kind of low-life criminal cock-suckers you could ever wanna run into. The fucking piece of shit business man.

5:26: And the proof of it, the proof of it is, they don't even trust each other! They don't trust one another! When a business man sits down an' " negotiate a deal", the first thing he does is automatically assume the other guy is a complete lying prick whose trying to fuck him out of his money. So he's gotta do everything he can to fuck the other guy a little bit faster and a little bit harder.

5:48: And he's gotta do it with a big smile on his face. You know that big bullshit business man smile? And if you're a customer," Wooooah!" that's when you get the really big smile. Customer always gets the really big smile as the business man carefully positions himself directly behind the customer and unzips his pants and proceeds to service the account.
I'm servicing this account.
This customer needs service.

6:19: Now you know what they mean... Now you know what they mean when they say. " We specialize in customer service. Whoever coined the phrase, "Let the buyer beware." was probably bleeding from the asshole.
That's business.
That's business.


Dec. 22, 2013

thank you

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