During the first months I spent in New York as an exchange student, I was somewhat amazed at Manhattan’s lights, inasmuch as each little light seemed to be powered by a couple of opportunities and new ideas. At least, this is what I was told by a waitress, who used to daydream, wondering how life would be like on Broadway stages, and by an Indian taxi driver, who swore he would make every single car to fly like a bird in the skies of New York in the short run.
I am not sure whether there were butterflies in my stomach, or ants climbing up my legs or the sudden impress of decreased oxygen that made me feel constantly on alert while I was there. Years after having popped the placenta, I ultimately broke out of my comfort zone and blew up the bubble in which I stayed for many years while I lived off my parents in São Paulo. I felt that in New York, I have not only swapped olá for “hello”, but also my stability for a spontaneous life and its pros and cons.
Moving such as a child who has just relearned how to walk, I had to manage to face my fear and speak out what I thought in every single class in university. Still, perfectionism made me afraid of mistakes, as if words were about to escape me in the midst of a talk. Fortunately, I could rapidly notice something different coming out. Soon I noticed that my fear was replaced for spontaneity. At that point, I knew that, although I had not lost fear and timidity, I had learned to cope with them, and to use them in my favor, provoking laughter from those who did not believe that behind confident gestures, there were some sort of fear and trembling. So, I quickly realized that I finally could express myself without having hands too shaky, as though I was bound to early Alzheimer's... [to be continued]
