English Audio Request

No such continuity problems for the return of Made in Chelsea (E4). You could have slept through most of the first two series – and indeed through most of last night's season opener – without missing a thing. Here is a show starring a bunch of posh, well-off twentysomething Londoners, who appear to be so dim they don't even realise their entire faux-celebrity existence is founded on the ridicule of their audience.
It would be reassuring to imagine that Spencer, Caggie, Hugo et al will look back in five years' time, when they have returned to being nobodies, and wonder: "What on earth did we think we were doing?" Only I'm not sure they have the self-awareness for that. Still, at least they are doing the rest of the acting profession a favour. This lot can't even portray themselves convincingly.
Money was also central to Damien Hirst: Thoughts, Life, Work (Channel 4), a fascinating documentary to coincide with the artist's retrospective at the Tate Modern. Or rather its absence was. It opened with questions about whether the diamond skull was really worth £50m, all of which Hirst neatly side-stepped. The closest he came to openness was "I didn't think Hymn was worth £1m", but otherwise Hirst seemed unwilling to engage with the commercial aspects of his work. Charles Saatchi – without whom Hirst might have remained an unknown – was only mentioned twice, in passing.
Most artists are understandably keener to discuss their art rather than its value, but with Hirst the two are hopelessly intertwined. Of all modern British artists he is the one most identified with commerce, and those who know him well insist money is much more important to him than he is willing to let on. Nor was Hirst that willing to consider which of his works were more artistically successful; surely he can't think they are all equally brilliant? I was also none the wiser whether Hirst is a one-trick pony, a chancer who has done fabulously well by talking a great game or a genuinely brilliant artist. Then that might just be the whole point.